CAST
IAN, EMMA’s husband, co-worker/friend to CAYDEN
EMMA, IAN’s wife
CAYDEN, co-worker/friend to IAN
ACT I
Scene 1
(The stage lights are dimmed to show a worn leather couch and a coffee table. The coffee table is littered with napkins and a half empty pizza box. Four empty beer bottles sit on the outsides of the pizza box, 2 on each side. An open bottle of beer is on the table within reach of CAYDEN. An open bag of chips sits on the floor in front of the coffee table.)
(A door can be seen in the background, on the right hand side of the stage. To the left side of the couch, set toward the back of the stage is a bed and dresser with a lamp and alarm clock on it. To the left of the bed there is a door that leads to another room that cannot be seen.)
(CAYDEN has his feet kicked up on the coffee table, hands behind his head showing off his New York Yankees jersey. IAN is slouched on his side of the couch. He is holding a beer and resting his body on the arm of the couch. He is wearing an old Boston Red Sox jersey; it has stains on it from being worn so many times.)
(CAYDEN’s and IAN’s gazes are set forward.)
CAYDEN
Shit. Shit. Shit. I can’t fucking believe that happened.
(CAYDEN grabs his beer and chugs down the rest of it. Then slams the bottle on the table making a loud noise.)
(IAN jumps off the couch and raises his hands in the air.)
IAN
Oh yea, we won. Go Boston! Go Red Sox!
(IAN continues doing a happy dance as they hear the replay of the winning hit and the announcers saying, “It’s going way back and it’s outta here.”)
(sing-songy)
We beat the Yankees. We beat the Yankees.
CAYDEN
(irritated)
Quite being a douche. No need to rub in your victory.
IAN
We’ve been trashing talking all game. Plus you would do the same thing to me.
CAYDEN
True. I’m gonna need another beer to survive your shitty dance moves though.
(IAN stops dancing as both men hear the door opening and closing. Both men turn to see EMMA enter the room and stare at the mess.)
EMMA
Hi CAYDEN. Hey baby. How was the game?
IAN
(excitedly)
Ellsbury hit a walk-off in the tenth.
EMMA
Who gave up the run?
CAYDEN
(dejectedly)
Rivera.
EMMA
I’m sorry CAYDEN. You can’t be the best all the time.
(Taps CAYDEN on the shoulder in a loving manner. Turns to IAN)
I see you made a mess of the living room.
IAN
Sorry babe, I’ll make sure to clean it up after I finish my victory dance.
EMMA
I’ll make myself scarce. Your dancing sucks.
CAYDEN
Well at least we agree on one thing, EMMA. Is there anyway I could persuade you to leave this tool and become a Yankee fan?
EMMA
Not a chance in hell. Wouldn’t Marie be mad if you left her for me?
CAYDEN
Probably, but it was a worth a shot.
EMMA
How is she doing anyway?
CAYDEN
She’s doing alright. She’s ready for the twins to get here. Apparently they call what she’s doing nesting.
EMMA
Well send her my love. I can’t wait to meet the little ones, they’re going to be adorable. I bet one will be a Sox fan.
CAYDEN
Not in my house.
(EMMA laughs.)
(IAN walks over to EMMA and gives her a kiss as she goes to the bed. She reaches into the top drawer of the dresser and grabs a book. She sits on the bed and begins reading.)
How the hell did you snag her up? I know that it wasn’t with your dance moves.
IAN
I don’t have a fucking clue. I’m the lucky one in this relationship.
CAYDEN
Damn straight.
IAN
You’re fucking lucky too. You’ve got two kids on the way. I’d die to be a dad right about now.
CAYDEN
Don’t say that too loudly. Don’t give EMMA any ideas. With the way things are today it’s gonna be fucking expensive to raise the twins.
IAN
Like how expensive?
CAYDEN
$678, 820.
IAN
(surprise)
Holy shit. That’s a lot of money.
(IAN rakes his hand through his hair nervously.
CAYDEN
That’s from the time they’re born through public college. I just hope Marie doesn’t want to do the private school thing. Otherwise we’re fucked. That just means I‘m going to have to kick your ass for that promotion Michael mentioned in today’s meeting. You know that right?
IAN
I wouldn’t expect anything less, but –
CAYDEN
Good cause, being Senior Accountant will give me the money I need to raise my kids. Dude, it’s fucking expensive to live in a house in Hartford. Be glad that you live in an apartment. It may be shitty for you but it’s probably cheaper than the house of Marie’s dreams. And now we’re adding kids to the equation. We’re fucking out of our minds.
(pauses, thinking)
I wish I didn’t have to spend all day in a fucking cubicle though. I’d kill to have the corner office that Michael has.
IAN
Who cares, they pay us just enough to make us want to sit in tiny ass cubicles all day and look at page after fucking page of numbers.
CAYDEN
(starting to get angry)
I didn’t think it would be this shitty when I was taking all those classes back at UConn. They fucking conned me into liking a job that would never be like what they told me. Maybe it’s time I quit.
(quickly pauses)
Marie would fucking kill me if I quit. But she’ll be plotting my death when I’m not home as much because I’ll be spending all my fucking time trying to get that damned promotion.
IAN
Dude, calm the fuck down.
CAYDEN
Thanks to the Yankees for turning me into a girl. They lose and shit – I can’t keep my mouth shut. Never thought baseball could do that to me.
(CAYDEN takes his phone out of his pocket and looks at the time.)
Damn it, I gotta get out of here. Can you finish your fucking victory dance now? Our little heart to heart just sobered me up. Plus Marie will fucking have my head if I forget the pickles tonight.
(IAN resumes his victory dance. He plops on the couch suddenly very tired.)
IAN
Go home man and tell Marie I said hi.
CAYDEN
See ya at work. The Yankees are gonna kick your ass tomorrow.
(CAYDEN leaves the apartment. EMMA hears the door close, places her book on the bed and goes back to the living area. She takes a seat on the couch.)
IAN
Did you have a good night with the girls?
EMMA
I always do. But you know I’d rather be watching the game.
IAN
I know, but it’s the Yankees and it’s kinda my and CAYDEN’s
EMMA
(frustrated)
It’s your thing, I know.
IAN
You can watch tomorrow night’s game with me.
EMMA
(surprised)
You mean CAYDEN isn’t coming over?
IAN
He’s hoping to get this big promotion at the office because of Marie and the twins.
EMMA
What about you? Are you thinking about the promotion too?
IAN
Yeah, I’m thinking about it. I still haven’t decided.
EMMA
I’d be careful of doing your victory dance if you get it. CAYDEN just might get it after Michael and the board witnesses your horrendous dancing. I’m going to read a little bit more, meet you in bed in a bit?
IAN
(sarcastically)
What me a bad dancer?
(EMMA shakes her head and giggles.)
(regular tone)
I’ll just be a few more minutes.
(EMMA gets off the couch. IAN gives her a kiss on the forehead and begins to clear off the table. He collects the napkins and places them in the pizza box. He shuts the box and puts the beer bottles close together on the table. He grabs his beer and the remote, taking the last swig as he turns the TV off and heads to the bedroom.)
(EMMA sets her book down as IAN sits on the bed next to her.)
EMMA
Everything all clean?
IAN
Pretty much, I’ll take care of the trash in the morning when I leave for the office.
EMMA
How was work today?
IAN
It was good. Michael called a staff meeting today.
EMMA
And what did he say?
IAN
Well he had every one gather in the conference room. That’s a small space and there’s a lot of us, you know?
(EMMA shakes her head in acknowledgment.)
So anyway, Michael stands up in front of this white board with a chart on it. It’s got the numbers for the past three months on it and what everyone has accomplished. It was like a stat sheet only of everyone’s clients.
EMMA
And where were you on the list?
IAN
I was nowhere near the top, but I wasn’t at the bottom. I’m average. I’ve always been average. I hate fighting for people’s attention. I’m always the underdog. Why do you think I decided not to go into the family business? I wanted the attention of my parents.
(volume of his voice begins to rise)
I want us to be the first to have grandchildren because I want to be the first at something. I hate coming in last, but what I hate even more than that is getting lost in the middle. I’m a Red Sox fan. People say they are always never good enough. Is that a reflection of the type of person I am? Never good enough?
(EMMA reaches out and grabs IAN’s hand and begins to rub circles on the back of his hand with her thumb.)
EMMA
You can do anything you want. You are good enough. You’re good enough for me and you’re good enough for our future children.
IAN
But I don’t feel like I’m good enough. So I’m going to fight for this promotion like it’s the ninth inning and there’s two men out and the game’s on the line.
EMMA
What do you have to do to get the promotion?
IAN
Michael said that who ever can bring up his numbers the most will become a Senior Accountant. If I get it we can finally move out of this fucking rat-hole. We can start thinking about having kids because we’ll have the space. You can start working less because I know that as much as you love your job it stresses you out. I want us to have the life we talked about during those late night conversations while we were dating. I just want us to be happy.
EMMA
I am happy. You make me happy. We could spend the rest of our lives here and I’d be happy. I’d even be happy raising our kids here.
IAN
I’m happy when I’m with you, but being in this apartment doesn’t make me happy. I want to be able to live in a house with you. Have a backyard. Maybe a dog. I want to be able to start a family and not feel embarrassed about having our families come and visit us. They can’t even stay at our place when they visit now. This promotion means a lot to me and I know that CAYDEN’s my friend, but I’m going to work my ass off and get it. I’m going to upset him like the Sox did the Yankees tonight. And I need your support to do that.
EMMA
Okay babe, I support you. Now let’s calm down and get ready for bed.
IAN
Thank you.
(IAN gives EMMA a kiss and walks to the door by the bed. EMMA picks up her book and begins reading.)
Scene II
(The stage lights are dimmed to show a worn leather couch and coffee table. On the table sits a box of pizza yet to be opened. Two bottles of beer, both opened, sit on either side of the box.)
(A door can be seen in the background, on the right hand side of the stage. To the left side of the couch, set toward the back of the stage is a bed and dresser with lamp and alarm clock on it. To the left of the bed, there is a door that leads to another room that cannot be seen.)
(IAN is sitting on the couch, leaned back with his feet resting on the coffee table. He is wearing a brand new Boston Red Sox jersey. In one hand he holds the remote, the other is wrapped around EMMA who is cuddled into his side. She is wearing jeans and a sweatshirt ready to leave at anytime.)
(It has been a couple months since CAYDEN was last over.)
(The TV is turned on, but neither of them is really watching it. IAN is flipping through the channels.)
EMMA
20 minutes until the game starts. When is CAYDEN supposed to be here?
IAN
He should have been here 15 minutes ago.
(sighs)
He was bringing more beer.
EMMA
He probably got stuck at the store. It is the playoffs after all. Everybody needs beer then.
(EMMA pauses as she hears the door open and close.)
Well I better get going and leave you men to it. I love you.
(EMMA kisses IAN as she gets up off the couch as CAYDEN enters the room. He is wearing his New York Yankees jersey and holding a case of beer in his hand.)
IAN
I love you back.
CAYDEN
Hi EMMA, IAN.
EMMA
Hi. I’m just leaving. Have a great time.
CAYDEN
(turns to EMMA)
Thanks.
(turns back to IAN)
Man, I brought the beer.
(CAYDEN lifts up the case of beer he is holding in his hand.)
IAN
Awesome. Let’s get this party started.
(CAYDEN sets the beer down under the coffee table and takes his usual seat on the opposite end of the couch of IAN. CAYDEN opens the pizza box and grabs a slice. He takes a bite followed be a swig of his beer. IAN changes the channel to the game.)
CAYDEN
Sabathia’s on the mound today. Good luck hitting him.
IAN
He hasn’t had the best playoffs.
CAYDEN
There was no stopping that Tigers offense. I’m just –
IAN
(interrupting)
Glad that we didn’t have to play them. Verlander’s been on fire lately.
CAYDEN
I was going to say I’m just glad we won the series.
IAN
Of course you were. How’s work going for you?
CAYDEN
Still trying to get my clientele up. I really want that Senior Accountant position.
(The look on IAN’s face changes. CAYDEN doesn’t notice.)
How about you?
IAN
You know, same old, same old.
CAYDEN
Enough about work. It’s game time.
(CAYDEN reaches for his beer on the table. Takes a long swig and looks at IAN.)
We’re gonna kick some Red Sox ass unlike the last time I was over.
IAN
I doubt that. We’re gonna go all the way and beat you just like last time.
(The room quiets as the two men focus on the game. All that can be heard is the noise from the TV as the announcers report on the action. CAYDEN periodically grabs his beer and takes a swig. IAN takes a slice of pizza from the box and eats slowly, setting it down a few times to take a drink from his beer.)
CAYDEN
Thanks for getting the pizza.
IAN
Not a big deal. You brought the beer remember?
CAYDEN
I know. Just wanted to say thanks.
IAN
It’s not necessary. This rivalry thing New York vs. Boston is kind of our thing.
CAYDEN
Is that why EMMA is never around when I’m here?
IAN
Yeah, I guess so.
CAYDEN
Does she not like watching games on TV or something?
IAN
Nope, she loves it.
CAYDEN
Then why do you let her leave? I wouldn’t let a girl like her leave the house if I were you.
IAN
She gets girl time while I get man time with you. She knows I need some time away from her. Otherwise she might drive me up a wall. Don’t tell her I said that, but it doesn’t matter cause it’s a win-win.
CAYDEN
Except you want to watch baseball with your wife.
IAN
(upset)
I like watching baseball with her, but I get to do that every night when you’re not here. I’d like to spend time with the best guy friend I’ve got.
CAYDEN
Oh.
IAN
Yep.
CAYDEN
(surprised)
I didn’t know I was your best guy friend.
IAN
You’re like my only friend. The only one who is willing to show up to this shit-hole and sit around, eat pizza, drink beers and watch baseball.
(Silence envelops the room again as the conversation falters. The men turn their attention back to the baseball game. All of a sudden the TV gets really loud as the announcers yell, “Its way back. It’s gone!”)
CAYDEN
Fuck. That’s not good.
IAN
It’s not good for you. Great for me.
CAYDEN
(upset)
Dude, I know I’ve only had like half a beer, but can you stop talking like that. It’s fucking annoying the hell outta me.
IAN
(sheepishly)
I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you.
(IAN raises his hands in the air like he’s surrendering.)
CAYDEN
Never mind, I’ve just been a bit
IAN
On edge lately?
CAYDEN
That’s exactly how I feel.
IAN
I understand I feel the same –
CAYDEN
Stop right there. We’re starting to sound like a bunch of girls. I bet this is what EMMA is doing right now with all her friends.
IAN
Oh shit. We are. Talking about our feelings.
(IAN grabs a slice of pizza out of the box and takes an angry bit out it. Then he takes a small sip of his beer.)
CAYDEN
And finishing each other’s sentences.
(CAYDEN grabs his beer and takes a long swig.)
IAN
Oh fuck, there we go again. This is creepy. We gotta stop it.
CAYDEN
I know, but part of me feels like I need to talk to someone.
IAN
No one at home willing to listen?
CAYDEN
No, it’s too busy at home with the twins.
IAN
Ah. So it’s something about work then.
(The baseball game gets lost in the background as the men look at one another, beers in hand.)
CAYDEN
I just really want that promotion. I’ve been working my ass off to bring my numbers up but they aren’t moving. I’m stuck in a fucking rut and I can’t get the hell out of it.
(Now that CAYDEN is really looking at IAN, he notices a change in the other man’s outfit.
(confused)
Is that a new jersey?
IAN
(hesitantly)
Yes. I just came into some extra money and thought it was time to get a new jersey. The other one was pretty torn up.
CAYDEN
You were going for the Senior Accountant promotion too, right?
IAN
Yeah, I was.
CAYDEN
Did they give you the job?
IAN
Yeah, Michael told me yesterday. I didn’t know how to tell you, man. I’d thought they have –
CAYDEN
(interrupting)
Told me. Fuck. What am I going to do now? You get the promotion and you go out and buy a brand new jersey to celebrate. You knew I was coming over here. That’s a low fucking blow man. Thanks for being a tool.
(CAYDEN stands up. He heads toward the door.)
IAN
Wait.
(CAYDEN stops and turns and looks at IAN.)
Let me explain.
CAYDEN
I don’t want your explanation. You’ve just been so fucking jealous of me because I have everything you didn’t: a house, a family, a nicer car. Well it doesn’t matter now because you have everything.
IAN
(desperately)
Please don’t go.
(CAYDEN continues walking to the door. He stops with his hand on the doorknob.)
CAYDEN
I just hope it was worth it.
(CAYDEN leaves the apartment and the door closes behind him with a slam.)
IAN
(out loud to the empty room)
Well I fucking screwed that up.
(IAN grabs his beer off the table and downs the entire thing. He leans back into the couch, sighs and goes back to watching the baseball game. All you can hear is the noise of the broadcasters).
(Lights dim.)